After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
