Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
