You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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