So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
