definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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