I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
