Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
don't judge my taste in strippers
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
