I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
