he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We are all done wearing pants today
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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