What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize