Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
