Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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