I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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