Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
