in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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