that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
