I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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