$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
