yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
