Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize