When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
