Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
