i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
