girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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