ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
