he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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