I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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