No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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