she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
