hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
