Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
