Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
