I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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