If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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