PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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