Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
