i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
