How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
