Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Boobs speak an international language.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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