I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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