That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
