It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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