I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
