They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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