Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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