Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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