uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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