and she was petting her beer can
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize