I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
