Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
