To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
