I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
