after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Even my vagina gasped.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
