I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
