It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
