so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
