On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
