she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
