I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
