Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
