Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
