I am full of burrito and curiosity
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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