Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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