wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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