he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
