Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
