i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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