Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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